There are very few things I could still take for granted after all of this is over. I miss everything, and I long for the life and experiences I can’t have right now. I feel like crying over time we’ll never get back. I want to be in Chapel Hill so badly right now. I miss seeing my friends every day. I miss study sessions and movie nights with them. I miss cookout runs. I miss chilling in the quad all afternoon and procrastinating on homework. I miss the feeling of being where I belong. I love my home and my family, but it doesn’t feel right to be here right now. I live in Parker dorm, which is being used to house students who were granted waivers to stay on campus. We were asked to move out immediately. It was so hard to go pack all my stuff up and bring it back in the middle of the semester. I feel like part of my college experience is being ripped away from me. But at the same time, there are so many people who have it much worse right now, which makes me feel guilty.
The worst part of this pandemic is all the unknowns. We don’t know when things will go back to normal, and that’s the scariest part of all of this. The indefinite nature of our isolation is eating at me more than anything else. I can’t do months of social distancing, my extroverted self will go insane. I’ve been facetiming my friends a lot in order to have some social interaction, and we continue to send each other funny Tik Toks like always. I’ve also been trying to avoid most of the news because it is so anxiety-inducing and quite frankly exhausting to keep up with. Instead of the regular news, I’ve been following accounts like @goodgoodgoodco which post only positive, hopeful news. I already cleaned out my entire room and closet to try to feel productive and create an environment that I can do work in, but it’s really hard to do work right now. I have to keep reminding myself that I want to learn the material in my classes, that even in a pandemic my classes can be important too if I wish them to be.
I’m also quite worried how I would fare if I did contract COVID-19. I’m high risk, and my dad works in the food industry and has to continue going in to work despite one of his coworkers testing positive last week and potentially exposing all of them to the virus. I’m lucky that we have a decent hospital nearby, but I still worry about how my pre-existing condition could lead to a severe case and leave me with permanent lung damage. And while I am worried about how the virus could scar my lungs, I am even more worried about how it could scar our society. Things will change after this, for better or worse. It already has tanked the economy. The effect COVID-19 might have on not just our physical health but our mental, emotional, social, and financial health is terrifying.
I just have to remind myself to take it day by day, zoom by zoom, movie by movie, meme by meme. For most of us, the best we can really do is stay home, wait it out, and be kind to each other. I’m hoping we’re all strong enough to do so, and my hope is strengthened by all the reports of good deeds people are doing for their neighbors and communities. Maybe in the midst of this pandemic we can be reminded of what is really important in life.
And on the topic of what is important in life, here are a few of my favorite memes all from Zoom Memes for Self Quaranteens on Facebook right now:
Also, this is me trying to explain why this is worse than the flu and why we need to heed CDC guidelines to my family:
Hannah Biowell Blog 